Jul 30
MISSING MY TRIBE
When you work in hospitality, changing zip codes is a fairly regular occurrence. Thankfully, in the ten years that I have been part of this industry, I only had to move once for a job. My boss at the fabulous Hyatt Regency Orlando made the move here from Atlanta in January. When his family recently joined him, I asked how his two kids are adjusting.
“They love the pool and the weather,” he said candidly. “But they miss their friends.”
I know exactly how they feel.
Whether you are eight or 48, establishing relationships in a new place isn’t easy. During an ill-fated, five-month stint as an L.A. resident, I made just one friend. Thankfully, Orlando is a much more welcoming city. As one of the world’s top tourist destinations, it has plenty of friendly, genuine people — many of whom, like me, used to call New York home. Whenever I run into a former New Yorker here, there’s an instant camaraderie. A mutual appreciation for life in the Sunshine State being a nice change from the Big Apple’s hustle and bustle.
Still, it takes time to cultivate more than passing acquaintances. As that process slowly unfolds, I am missing my tribe back in NYC. And thinking about the misconceptions that happen when both your marital status and hometown change at the same time.
After I moved down to Florida in December, communication patterns with close friends began to change. At first, I chalked it up to the holiday season. And as my wise husband Steve observed, the fact that I was still visiting New York frequently, until May when I sold my apartment. I nevertheless asked two close friends about their radio silence. Both of them said they assumed I was busy settling into newlywed life and they didn’t want to intrude on that. This surprised me because nothing could be further from the truth.
As anyone who knows me will tell you, the ties that bind are and always have been a central, cherished part of my life. At a very young age, I learned from my mother that friendships deserve to be prioritized regardless of whether you’re single or partnered up. I adore my husband. But that will never change how much I love and need my friends.
To his credit, Steve often says that the value I place on friendship is one of the things he admires most about me. That’s a measure of who he is and how well he understands me. And something I never experienced until he came into my life.
My dear friend Caroline knows about the challenges of starting over in a new place. She lives in Australia now and, with her French-born husband, did a spell in Paris for a few years. During a soul-soothing video chat, I shared both my current loneliness — and optimism about the possibility of connecting outside of work with a particular colleague.
“We have a love of boy bands, soap operas and roller coasters in common,” I said.
“That’s the basis for at least a three-month relationship,” Caroline joked.
Kidding aside, it’s reassuring to catch a glimpse of new beginnings on the horizon. No doubt, my boss’s kids will experience the same when they start school. Looking forward to hearing about their play dates with new friends. And to having a few of my own.
