Jan 27
Timing Is Everything
Ten years ago, I took a two-month break from the Big Apple to explore what dating was like in other cities. While catching up recently with one of my favorite people from the trip, I found myself thinking about timing and the role it plays in finding love.
Connected by a mutual acquaintance, Cleveland native Kim introduced me to her fabulous then-single friends Ryan, Phillip and Diana. I remember fondly how quickly we all bonded over the ups and downs of thirtysomething dating. Flash forward to today. Diana is engaged while Kim, Ryan and Phillip are all happily married.
I understand now why they say love comes along after you stop looking for it. I spent the better part of my thirties wearing myself out trying to meet someone. Online dating, speed dating, Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, blind dates – you name it, I tried it. When I finally gave up the search, that’s when I found the energy to let go of the emotional baggage that had weighed me down for so long and rediscover what made me happy. To become the most fully realized, best version of myself. I was doing something I genuinely loved when the life-changing moment happened for me and my beloved Steve.
It was a breezy, moonlit night at sea and I was enjoying a poolside concert by my favorite 80s cover band. Steve and I shared a brief but effortless conversation, one that continued seamlessly when he messaged me a few days after the cruise. There was no hesitating or deliberating for either of us. Just the undeniable, exhilarating joy of a deepening and completely mutual connection that felt right in every way. Steve described it as a key fitting into a lock.
So much of our popular culture tells women that the door to marriage and/or motherhood slams shut once you’re over 35. My urgency to partner up intensified after this age, fueled largely by society’s message that a woman’s desirability ends (or at least, drops off precipitously) as our childbearing years wind down.
Just how outdated is this notion? A top wedding planner told me most of her newly-engaged, never married female clients are in their mid-forties. One of my colleagues recently shared that she was close to 50 when she met her future husband. I’m newly 46. The bottom line – it’s never too late to find love. Like so many things in life, it may not happen on your timetable. But God’s timing is always right.
As poet and writer János Arany once said, “In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities.”
Nov 26
Counting My Blessings
When it comes to holiday traditions, one of my favorites has always been taking the time to reflect on what I have to be thankful for. My gratitude cup continues to overflow from a long list of blessings old and new.
I’m thankful for something that’s very easy to take for granted – my health. Good health, my late mom used to say, is most important; with it, all things are possible and without it, nothing else matters. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I’ve never felt better. Deeply grateful for the pep in my step and peace in my heart.
This year, I’m especially thankful for the power of entertainment to forge soul stirring bonds.
Thirty-two years ago, the witty, Emmy Award-winning soap opera Santa Barbara introduced me to my Colorado-based best friend Lisa. Earlier this month, Lisa and I joined dozens of fans from around the world for a Santa Barbara Reunion Cruise to the Bahamas with six cast members from our beloved show. The instant ease and camaraderie we all shared was magical, just like what I’ve experienced year after year on The 80’s Cruise. There’s an immediate, unspoken kinship that happens when meeting people whose hearts have been moved by the same TV, movies or music that have touched yours. I have never appreciated this beautiful dynamic more.
Speaking of connections, I’m thankful for technology that brings me closer to loved ones both near and far. While it must be said that you can have too much of a good thing (I’m looking at you, people who use speakerphone in public), it makes all the difference to have ways of narrowing geographical distance. From Facebook video calls with my Florida born and bred boyfriend Steve to Whats App chats with dear friends in Australia and France, I treasure being able to stay in touch beyond email and texting.
I’m thankful for my beloved pup Benji. In addition to being playful, affectionate and irresistibly adorable, this lovebug is also completely unflappable.
Twelve-hour travel day stuck at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport because of a blizzard? No problem. Jolting fender bender in a cab followed by an emergency room crowded with cops and screaming patients? Not even so much as a whimper from my little guy. To say that Benji is a huge emotional support and source of strength for me is an understatement. Adopting him is the best decision I’ve ever made. We rescued each other.
Last but most definitely not least, I’m thankful for Steve.
Over the last nine months, he has showed me what it means to be a true partner and made me happier than I ever thought was possible. Because of him, this is the first holiday season in over 20 years that I’m genuinely excited about. Looking forward to the many more beautiful firsts we have ahead of us.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
May 1
Single Gals No More
Last weekend, my dear friend of 20 years Taslin came to visit from New Orleans. It was a simply perfect, soul soothing couple of days into which we packed a lot. We went out for some great meals (sushi and Thai food), took in a Broadway matinee (Mean Girls – smart, witty and fun) and, of course, talked non-stop.
One of the highlights of Taslin’s visit – introducing her to Jessie’s Girl, my longtime favorite 80s cover band. I’ve been going to see JG for a decade now and they never disappoint with their tireless energy and amazing two hour concerts featuring some of the era’s most beloved pop and rock songs. This particular show had an added dimension for me. Because I got to enjoy it with one of my best friends. And because Jessie’s Girl performed during the most memorable moments of this year’s 80s Cruise.
My third voyage on the nostalgic annual sailing turned out to an unexpectedly life changing one. It felt like God was giving me this amazing do over after being in the vise-like grip of depression the previous two times. Though The 80s Cruise lineup is full of fantastic headliner artists, Jessie’s Girl is the band that really brings everyone together. They’re the hardest working musicians for sure, performing six shows, each with completely different set lists.
It’s no surprise then that this talented and totally awesome group provided the pitch perfect soundtrack to the moments I will forever cherish most from this year’s cruise. The sail away party that gets the 80s party started. An intimate jam session with JG and Tiffany on the last night which found me dancing up a storm to Toto’s hit Africa. And, sigh, the beautiful slice of time when I connected with my boyfriend Steve.
On a breezy night at sea, as the band played to a packed crowd on the pool deck, I stood toward the the back by myself. I savored every beat of the music, on a high from seeing Kenny Loggins in concert earlier and feeling completely present. Though Steve and I already knew of each other, had been Facebook friends for awhile and met briefly at the cruise pre-party, this was the first time we got a chance to talk. Our connection was immediate, the conversation effortless. I so loved talking to Steve that I asked a friend of his to take the above picture of us. Of all the photos from this year’s cruise, it’s the one where I’m smiling the most. Little did I know that was a preview of what was to come for us.
Now I understand why people say love finds you when you stop looking for it. Before meeting Steve, I had not only stopped but accepted that love wasn’t in the cards for me. Taslin felt the same before meeting her husband Ross. She and I talked a lot about the winding road to meeting our soulmates. We fully appreciate the miracle of finding a life partner in this day and age when social norms seem to prioritize a toxic dating culture over committed, long term relationships.
Since falling in love with Steve, I’ve found myself thinking about the mountains of advice that people have given me over the years. Always well intentioned, most of it rings true. With one very big exception — that my expectations were too high. That I was unrealistic to want what my late, adored parents had with each other.
In nearly 30 years together, the magic and mutual passion they shared never went away. Dad himself said, their love was like cement — it could never be broken. Mom assured me I would eventually find that kind of relationship. With someone who would, to paraphrase how she once described Dad, fulfill the wildest dreams of my imagination. Mom, I am so very happy to finally be able to say — you were right.
That’s the thing about true love. It doesn’t require settling or giving up the values you hold dear. It brings out your best, most authentic self because at long last, you’re finally with the person who really sees who you are and loves you unconditionally. The same exact way you love him.
Even for a writer like me, there are no words to say how thankful and blessed I feel that Steve and I found each other. I’m so excited about all that’s ahead for us. Including, of course, seeing Jessie’s Girl again on the 2020 sailing of the 80s Cruise.
