Nov 26
Counting My Blessings
When it comes to holiday traditions, one of my favorites has always been taking the time to reflect on what I have to be thankful for. My gratitude cup continues to overflow from a long list of blessings old and new.
I’m thankful for something that’s very easy to take for granted – my health. Good health, my late mom used to say, is most important; with it, all things are possible and without it, nothing else matters. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I’ve never felt better. Deeply grateful for the pep in my step and peace in my heart.
This year, I’m especially thankful for the power of entertainment to forge soul stirring bonds.
Thirty-two years ago, the witty, Emmy Award-winning soap opera Santa Barbara introduced me to my Colorado-based best friend Lisa. Earlier this month, Lisa and I joined dozens of fans from around the world for a Santa Barbara Reunion Cruise to the Bahamas with six cast members from our beloved show. The instant ease and camaraderie we all shared was magical, just like what I’ve experienced year after year on The 80’s Cruise. There’s an immediate, unspoken kinship that happens when meeting people whose hearts have been moved by the same TV, movies or music that have touched yours. I have never appreciated this beautiful dynamic more.
Speaking of connections, I’m thankful for technology that brings me closer to loved ones both near and far. While it must be said that you can have too much of a good thing (I’m looking at you, people who use speakerphone in public), it makes all the difference to have ways of narrowing geographical distance. From Facebook video calls with my Florida born and bred boyfriend Steve to Whats App chats with dear friends in Australia and France, I treasure being able to stay in touch beyond email and texting.
I’m thankful for my beloved pup Benji. In addition to being playful, affectionate and irresistibly adorable, this lovebug is also completely unflappable.
Twelve-hour travel day stuck at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport because of a blizzard? No problem. Jolting fender bender in a cab followed by an emergency room crowded with cops and screaming patients? Not even so much as a whimper from my little guy. To say that Benji is a huge emotional support and source of strength for me is an understatement. Adopting him is the best decision I’ve ever made. We rescued each other.
Last but most definitely not least, I’m thankful for Steve.
Over the last nine months, he has showed me what it means to be a true partner and made me happier than I ever thought was possible. Because of him, this is the first holiday season in over 20 years that I’m genuinely excited about. Looking forward to the many more beautiful firsts we have ahead of us.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
Jun 9
The Not So Pet Friendly Skies
Since adopting my beloved pup Benji almost two years ago, we’ve traveled thousands of miles together. On every trip, be it by car, train or plane, he is always calm and easygoing no matter what surprises we encounter along the way. I can’t always say the same for me, especially when it comes to navigating how airlines treat passengers with Emotional Support Animals (ESAN).
More often than not, we are subjected to unnecessary hassles under the auspices of following ESAN procedures. Procedures that seem to change depending on what airline and which employee you’re dealing with.
The most maddening, frustrating experience checking in with Benji ever happened recently on Delta, flying back from Puerto Rico. The desk agent insisted there was no record of ESAN approval, despite my submitting the paperwork a week before and having checked in without incident for my outbound flight. As every airline advises, I had brought all required documentation with me. Standard protocol is that, if any issues arise, a supervisor reviews it and has authority to clear you for travel. Or you can call the airline’s special service desk and they will make a notation in your reservation. This time though, neither tactic accomplished anything.
While Benji and I were at the desk, I called Delta and a helpful associate immediately updated my reservation with the ESAN approval. But it didn’t show up on the desk agent’s screen and he refused to speak with the Delta rep. He maintained my paperwork was out of date, even after I showed him an email confirming approval for Benji on our outbound flight just three days earlier. His supervisor misread it as an acknowledgement of receiving the paperwork and not clearance – even though those two communications look nothing alike.
About 45 minutes into this ordeal, they tell me that I need to have something signed on my doctor’s official letterhead. Interesting since this is not stated anywhere on Delta’s website or in the airline’s downloadable PDF of required ESAN forms. I present a form signed and dated, with my doctor’s official stamp. How could I have flown with Benji three days ago if my paperwork wasn’t correct? Can’t they look it up? The supervisor says it gets deleted once a flight is consumed. And yet curiously, after just a few keyboard and mouse clicks, she manages to call up my previous itinerary, find the approval and transfer it over to my return flight. Benji and I race frantically to the gate, barely making it in time.
This needless drama shouldn’t have surprised me. Delta has the most frequent and infuriating ESAN service issues. As Benji and I were boarding once, a flight attendant glanced at him and said with a fake smile–
“Just a reminder, no food or water.”
“Excuse me?” I answered, baffled by this unheard-of directive.
“No food or water because it will make him have to go to the bathroom.”
Dripping with condescension, the attendant also smugly maintained that she “knew the rules.” Not so much, as it turned out. A quick tweet to Delta revealed that pets are permitted to be fed and given water as long as they remain in their carrier.
On our most recent Delta trip, Benji and I were about to settle into our seat when one of the attendants snapped—
“I have nothing in my computer about any pets being on this flight.”
Really? Then how could we have even boarded the plane in the first place?
Delta typically validates ESAN paperwork for both segments of a round trip. The unnecessary drama in San Juan happened because approval was applied only to my outgoing flight. Meanwhile, American Airlines assured me that ESAN paperwork remains valid in their system for a year. Except, of course, after they decide to change one form a few months later without indicating as much on their website. The previous version has the exact same information from my doctor and yet I still had to fight with AA to accept it.
Each airline requires its own separate documentation. So if you are in the unfortunate position of forgetting to bring one airline specific form, don’t expect a competitor’s to suffice. During the Delta kerfuffle, I presented United’s two-page medical authorization form signed by my doctor as additional verification. They refused to accept it. I’ve lost track now of how many times I’ve had to bother my doctor to fill out different forms that all say the exact same thing.
The inconsistencies in airline ESAN policies happen in flight as well. Some cabin attendants have said Benji must remain in his carrier. Others say only for takeoff and landing. Never mind that airline websites state your animal has to fit either in a carrier under your seat or on your lap.
I understand the need to prevent passengers from traveling with dangerous, ill-behaved animals. Especially in light of several incidents where people have taken advantage of the ESAN privilege to smuggle creatures like snakes and peacocks on board. Airlines have a right to demand that passengers claiming their pet is for emotional support have documentation to back it up. What they do not have the right to do is treat those of us who follow the constantly changing rules like we’re somehow at fault.
We deserve a lot better and so do our four-legged companions.
Feb 19
Savoring A New Age Bracket
I recently celebrated my 45th birthday. Now, as a longtime friend reminded me, I will be checking the box of a different age bracket on surveys.
While it’s unnerving and more than a little humbling to feel the swift passage of time, I can’t help thinking of all the good that has come with officially being in my mid-forties.
The round numbered birthdays may receive more fanfare, but 45 has already proved to be equally deserving of it. Because even more so than previous ages, this one feels like a new chapter. Especially when comparing it to how I felt turning 40.
As I’ve said many times, the big 4-0 seemed like a blinking neon sign illuminating the things that didn’t precede this milestone—most significantly, marriage and motherhood. I know I’m in good company when it comes to departing from the trajectory that women are still largely expected to follow. And yet, I found myself feeling less than those who’ve taken a more traditional path, like I had failed in some way.
Flash forward to my cousin Alexandra’s baby shower earlier this month. I sat a table where everyone except me had children. For the first time, I didn’t mind being the anomaly. It struck me that having children isn’t meant to be part of my journey and that’s okay. I felt with every fiber of my being the absolute rightness of where I am in my life. I thought about how much I have to be thankful for — especially my beloved fur baby Benji, who fills my days with the unconditional love, joy and affection that make animals such magical creatures.
I am finally experiencing what so many women have told me about the stronger sense of self that accompanies this decade. And no longer feeling the need to apologize or justify who you are, finally embracing that the only person you really need to be true to is yourself. I understand this in a way I couldn’t have before facing some life-altering trials. Finding my way out of a crippling 18-month depression showed me that not only am I enough, but I can feel proud of each line etched on my face. Because I’ve earned every single one.
Age is more than just a number. It’s a beautiful opportunity to celebrate how far you’ve come – and, with the help of God, loved ones and a little determination – how much more you have to look forward to. After all, isn’t that what being both older and wiser is all about?
Jul 8
Celebrating My First Year With Benji
One year ago, I drove out to a home in Queens to pick up my foster dog Benji. As soon as the front door opened, Benji ran right to me, affectionately jumping up like he knew he was coming home. In that moment, I knew too–this was my baby.
It didn’t take long after he stole my heart for Benji to confirm that we are kindred spirits. Like me, he loves to eat, sleep and travel. And how we have traveled together! Over the last 12 months, we’ve been to Delaware, Maine, Ohio and Las Vegas. Whether we’re going by plane, train, ferry or car, Benji takes it all in stride–something that rarely go unnoticed.
Every time we hit the road, especially while in flight, at least one person remarks in astonished awe about his calm, easy temperament. Not a bark or a peep during 5+ hours on a plane! His only request–to come out of his carrier so he can sit on my lap and look out the window. Watching him enjoy the sky-high view has quickly become one of my favorite things.
Of course, we’ve gone through our share of trials too. From food poisoning and eating a toxic chestnut to surgery on his front right leg, Benji has braved it all with grace and courage as I have been a nervous wreck.
I often wonder what Benji’s life was like before we found each other. Who was his family before? How could they have abandoned this extraordinary creature? Then I think about how grounded, affectionate and well behaved he is and I know he was loved by whoever had him first. And I thank them for taking such good care of him until God decided it was our time to be together.
Much has been said about the healing powers of animals and I know why. No matter what challenges life may bring or what kind of day I’m having, seeing Benji’s sweet face makes it all disappear. Just before I adopted him, one of my best friends said he would fill all the spaces. Indeed he has, in ways I never anticipated.
Until I brought Benji home, I viewed my life in two very different parts–with and without my parents. Their painful loss is, thank God, no longer what defines me. Now, I think of the timeline of my life as being before and since Benji. There are no words to describe what this changed perspective has meant for me. Though I will always miss my parents, the heaviness in my heart has finally lifted, replaced by the soul renewing comfort of having Benji. He is my best friend.
French poet Anatole France said until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. Truer words were never spoken.
Happy Gotcha Day, lovebug!
Aug 12
Finding The Ideal Partner
Since adopting my beloved dog Benji last month, I have found myself thinking about how the Internet (petfinder.com, specifically) made it so easy to find him. The same can’t be said about finding a mate.
A Perfect Match: Benji and me
I’ve often said that online dating is like the Powerball–there are the lucky few who win and then there’s the rest of us. I truly hit the jackpot with Benji. He was my first choice of just two dogs I liked online. Just three weeks later, he was officially my fur baby. No hesitation on his part or mine, no second guessing or thinking there’s something better out there. Just gratitude and joy that we found each other.
When it comes to online dating, constant questioning and interminable searching are par for the course. For as much as it enables you to meet people you wouldn’t otherwise, it has also made dating a commodity–engendering the idea that someone better is always right around the corner and diminishing the value of mutual chemistry. Not to mention causing a certain degree of apathy about putting in the effort it takes to make a good first impression.
Case in point–I recently exchanged emails with a boating aficionado who suggested meeting after work for coffee or drinks. He suddenly shifts gears and proposes I meet him out of the city for an afternoon of sailing. Which would be lovely–with someone who wasn’t a total stranger. When I demurred, he griped that he was “tired of having to prove” he has good intentions.
Then there was Mark, the divorced dad of two who actually did plan a great first date, choosing a cozy bar and lounge on the Lower East Side. Conversation and compliments flowed freely. Apart from his lengthy tangent about other online dating experiences–another unfortunately common and decidedly unromantic post-modern practice–it was a perfect evening. We walked and talked for hours and even kissed goodnight.
He texted the next day and several times while he was out of town. Upon his return, he was pretty effusive during our second date–telling me he was taking his profile down (which he did), talking about going away together, etc etc. Experience has taught me to be wary when someone comes on too strong too quickly, and alas, it turned out I had reason to be.
Mark proceeds to disappear for a week, resurfacing with this text–
“How’s your weekend going cutie?!”
He said he wanted to see me and he would call me later that day.
I never heard from him again.
That’s the thing about dating, especially online dating, today. It doesn’t matter if you (seem to) have a connection with someone. Because most singles believe they can just log on and find the next distraction. And in New York, for better and worse, there’s no stigma attached to being single. Which creates a kind of Peter Pan mindset.
God knows being unmarried and childless certainly isn’t a tragedy of epic proportions. What it is for me, though, is an unnerving irony. Not just because I have put so much into looking for a life partner, but because the lasting relationship gene is literally in my DNA.
My late parents had the kind of enduring love that exemplifies happily ever after. Both of my brothers have been devotedly married for many years, while my sister is in a happy long term relationship. Sometimes, it’s hard to be the last solo sibling standing.
All this is not to say that I have not had great romance and big love in my life. I have felt it and received it in return. During our early days together, an old boyfriend once said to me —
“People live a lifetime on less than what we’ve already shared.”
I’m thankful for these experiences. And, after the terrible depression and upheaval I’ve been through over the last year, I am no longer allowing my single status to define me. I am, as my wise mother always encouraged, learning to be content with what I have. My health. Amazing family and friends. A job I adore. The best dog.
And, of course, my most longstanding love–NYC.
Aug 7
Reuniting With A Dear Friend
Twenty two years ago, I embarked on a whirlwind three-week Contiki tour around Europe. The trip introduced me to two wonderful people who became cherished friends–Australians Sue and Dave. This week, I had the great pleasure of being reunited with Dave, for the first time since my last visit Down Under in 2009.
Way back when: Dave, me and Sue in Europe, May 1994.
As soon as I saw Dave, it felt like no time at all had passed. We picked up right where we left off–enjoying some beloved NYC haunts along the way.
Dave and me at the Gansevoort Hotel’s rooftop bar Plunge
We brunched outside at neighborhood eateries Beach Cafe and Five Napkin Burger, both of which I love even more now because they’re dog-friendly. My sweet Benji joined me and Dave, quietly taking in the scenery while we ate.
Dave took this photo of me and Benji at Beach Café
Taking advantage of picture perfect weather, Dave and I also strolled around Central Park and the High Line, and did rooftop drinks at Meatpacking District hipster hotspot the Gansevoort Hotel. For dinner, we lingered at The Plaza’s Food Hall by Todd English (epic truffled lobster mac and cheese), savored the Greek delights of Gramercy bistro Barbounia and indulged in Italian fare at favorite UES Bottega restaurant (Tiramisu to die for).
Truffled lobster mac and cheese at The Plaza Hotel’s Food Hall. Yum!!!
Throughout the delicious meals and engaging local sights, Dave and I shared wonderful, soul-soothing conversations about life, love, loss, careers and travel. I was in awe when Dave told me about his post-tsunami volunteer work in Sri Lanka. And he listened with compassion as I confided what I have been through over the last year.
I’m a big believer in the saying that friends are the family we choose for ourselves. God has truly blessed me in my extended family–and I am so thankful Dave is a part of it.
Til next time, my dear friend.
Jul 25
All About My Dream Job
When it comes to one’s career, my brother Ray is fond of repeating Confucius’ wise words–find something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. A wonderful truth I’ve been reminded of every day since starting at The Pierre Hotel almost three months ago.
One of my first assignments: A Vogue magazine photo shoot with Kendall Jenner
It’s no accident that this hotel is one of just a few in the U.S. to be consistently recognized with both AAA’s Five Diamond Award and Forbes’ Five Star rating. You can feel how deserving it is of these sought after accolades from the minute you step onto this majestic, iconic property.
Every single staff member you interact with is welcoming and warm. In addition to grand event spaces and elegant rooms with unparalleled city and Central Park views, this extraordinary level of hospitality is what keeps guests coming back. And one of many reasons I feel so fortunate to work at such a storied hotel.
A spectacular view from one of The Pierre’s guestrooms
From the General Manager to my boss and every other colleague, I spend my days with talented, smart, dedicated people who genuinely care about the guest experience and preserving the rich legacy of the Pierre.
And what a legacy it is. This is where the likes of Coco Chanel, Audrey Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor have stayed. Where many of New York’s most prestigious events have been held year after year since the hotel opened in 1930. And where many, many couples say their I dos. You can feel that history walking through legendary spaces like The Rotunda. Or the Cotillion Room (fun fact: Scent of A Woman’s tango scene with Al Pacino was filmed there). It’s like being transported to another era.
I am both proud and honored to be part of the team tasked with telling The Pierre’s story. My job has reinforced what a blessing it is to have a gig that combines what I love and, ahem, what I think I’m good at.
I’ve often said that looking back on my career, I couldn’t have planned it any better–even though I never imagined my circuitous professional path would lead me here. Every single job I’ve had–from TV news reporting/producing to PR Agency Account Supervisor–has prepared me for what I do now. I get to utilize my experience and skills in a way that makes the workdays fly by. Being an avid traveler, I am beyond thrilled I get to do that inside what a former boss accurately dubbed one of the most renowned establishments in the world.
Benji enjoying the scenery inside The Rotunda
An unexpectedly wonderful bonus — The Pierre is a pet friendly hotel. I brought my beloved Benji in when I had to work a Vogue Taiwan photo shoot one weekend. From the front desk to security, IT and food and beverage, my colleagues gave Benji a first-class welcome (along with a few treats). And after seeing this photo of my pup in The Rotunda, my awesome boss said Benji could be the star of our next pet-inspired photo shoot on property. Really–it doesn’t get any better than this.
Actually, it does. Because every day I get to experience the magic of The Pierre all over again. How lucky can a New York City gal get?
Jul 11
My New Best Friend
Last fall, when I was in the midst of a very painful depression, my brother and sister in law suggested I get a dog. The idea stayed with me–surprisingly given my personal history with canines.
Growing up, our family pet was my grandparents’ dog Teddy. A French poodle whose bark (or rather growl) was as bad as his bite, Teddy lacked the warmth for which most dogs are known. I nicknamed him Cujo–as in the rabid character from Stephen King’s novel of the same name–that’s how unfriendly he was.
Years later, I became intimately acquainted with larger canines when I dated a guy whose world revolved around short-haired pointer Miles and Weimaraner Jasmine. As crazy as it sounds, they became an obstacle to the relationship. My ex never stayed over because of them, while Jasmine was visibly jealous and possessive (Miles and I, however, bonded over being third wheels). When we were on a road trip, he called out “there’s my beautiful girl.” Imagine my surprise when I turned toward him and realized the compliment was directed not at me but at Jasmine.
Because of that canine-induced drama, I swore I would never get a dog. Ironically, it took another man to completely reverse my thinking.
As soon as I met this guy’s beautiful white mutt Zoe, I knew that she was a different, more loving breed of animal. In getting to know and love her, I also found myself feeling a surge of longing toward dogs I passed in the street.
Watching Zoe jump into this lake in The Berkshires was a delight
Knowing that I wanted a rescue pup, I visited two NYC shelters and a pet adoption fair–with no luck.
“You don’t choose the dog, the dog chooses you,” Zoe’s dad told me.
He also encouraged me to look on Petfinder.com, which was how he had found Zoe. That’s where I discovered Benji and applied online to adopt him.
A few days later, a lovely woman from Second Chance Rescue called me. The road to adoption would include a phone interview, providing two references and a virtual home visit. I was both impressed and heartened by her obvious care and commitment to finding pets a good second home. I can’t say enough good things about Second Chance.
The more that I heard about Benji, the more I felt–even without meeting him–that he was the pup for me. Especially because of what happened upon receiving the good news that I was approved to adopt him.
I had a dream about my late, beloved parents. Benji was in it too, happily roaming around our family home, getting lots of love from Mom and Dad. It was the first time in a while that I dreamt about them. I knew in my heart they were saying Benji was indeed meant for me.
Who could resist this face?
When I went to pick him up, he came right to me, jumped into the car with no fuss, then slept all the way home (probably tuckered out from his journey up here from Georgia). And just like that, this 19 pound bundle of shih tzu sweetness stole my heart.
Over the last week, every day with Benji has brought a joyful new surprise. Playing fetch with him. Curling up on the couch together. Sleeping side by side. I understand now what so many people have told me over the years about the unconditional love and comfort that a pet gives you. It’s so wonderful coming home to my little guy. He brightens up every day and is already teaching me so much.
I feel so blessed to have Benji. He’s everything I wanted in a dog and more—including being a great traveler. I have a feeling that on future trips, pet-friendly is going to top the list of amenities I look for!
Welcome home, Benj.
