Sep 16
NEVER HAVE I EVER: 2023 MILESTONES
One of my favorite shows, Never Have I Ever, recently ended its four-year run. Brilliantly written and developed by Mindy Kaling, the Netflix series was a pure delight from start to heart-tugging end.
During the final episode, protagonist Devi and her high school friends engage in the game from which the show takes its name. Following their lead, I’m reflecting on 2023’s significant firsts.
Until this year, never had I ever…
Hosted a podcast. For 18 years now, my husband Steve has delighted listeners around the globe with his award-winning podcast Stuck in the 80s. In March, we became a two-show household when I launched Open Book: The Diary of A Hopeless Romantic. Drawn from more than 100 journals, it has given me the chance to revisit my past in a fun way. And to celebrate once again how everything that I’ve gone through brought me to this beautiful present.
Attended an event as a published author. Every year on Independent Bookstore Day, the Oxford Exchange in Tampa hosts a book fair highlighting indie authors. In April, I had the pleasure of being one of them. The afternoon event featured dozens of writers representing diverse genres, from fiction and self-help to YA and supernatural. Connecting with fellow authors — and being reminded I am now part of this great community — was beyond inspiring. So inspiring, in fact, that it sparked new creative momentum for me and my hubby. Since the book fair, I have been plugging away on a revised, expanded version of Notes from A Single Gal In The City, while Steve is working on a memoir about his much-beloved podcast.
And, saving the biggest first for last, never have I ever…
Lived in a house of my own. Growing up in the concrete jungle of New York City, I always resided in apartments. As an adult, especially after adopting my beloved pup Benji six years ago, I fantasized about having a home with a back yard. That dream finally came true in January, when Steve and I moved to Orlando’s Dr. Phillips neighborhood.
Nestled on a bucolic, tree lined street, our dream house has everything that apartment living did not — high ceilings, a spacious eat-in kitchen and a lanai that nourishes my spirit in a way that only being surrounded by nature can. Oprah once said your home should rise up to greet you every time you enter it. Ours does this and so much more.
Speaking of new homes, my blog is also getting one. While I will always be a New York City Gal, that descriptor no longer reflects who and where I am now. So I am moving future musings to my namesake website. Hope you’ll visit me over there — and heartfelt thanks for nine great years on here!
Dec 29
What I’m Thankful For
Gratitude and Covid-19 don’t usually go in the same sentence. But when my husband Steve and I recently tested positive, that is very much what I felt. Grateful we were fully vaccinated and boosted, with only cold-like symptoms. Grateful the positive result came one day before a scheduled trip to New York. And most grateful that if we had to get sick, it did not happen anywhere near our wedding last year or when we were flying regularly between NYC and Orlando.
Within about a week, we were feeling better and we’re back to our normal routine now.
“Good health – physical, mental, emotional — is everything,” my mom used to say. “With it, all things are possible. Without it, nothing else matters.”
Covid aside, this holiday season has brought sobering reminders of how true this is.
Earlier this month, my beautiful friend Rachel died of colon cancer. Just like when dear friend Molly passed away from breast cancer six years ago, I am devastated to see someone so young and vibrant taken. Molly was 45, Rachel only 38.
Truly incandescent souls, it doesn’t seem possible both of them are gone now.
My cousin says God needed Rachel to come home to be an angel, to be part of a bigger plan. An angel for sure, she made the transition of moving to Orlando from New York less lonely for me. After being introduced through a mutual friend, we clicked immediately. Though I mourn the memories we will not have, I cherish the ones we shared and will be forever grateful to have known her.
One of Rachel’s favorite things was Hallmark holiday movies. This year, for the first time and in her honor, I watched several. Spirited and fun – much like her – they injected an additional dose of festive cheer into the season. My favorites: the NYC-set Hanukkah on Rye, Eight Gifts of Hannukah and A Castle for Christmas.
I’m especially grateful that I’m beginning to feel more settled into life as a Floridian. Little by little, I am putting down roots here. Getting to know Orlando better, slowly making friends and soon, moving to a new house. Can’t think of a better way to ring in 2023.
Most of all, I remain overwhelmingly grateful for the blessings of married life with Steve and our beloved pup Benji. These two give me so much. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to share my days with them.
Happy New Year!
Jul 30
MISSING MY TRIBE
When you work in hospitality, changing zip codes is a fairly regular occurrence. Thankfully, in the ten years that I have been part of this industry, I only had to move once for a job. My boss at the fabulous Hyatt Regency Orlando made the move here from Atlanta in January. When his family recently joined him, I asked how his two kids are adjusting.
“They love the pool and the weather,” he said candidly. “But they miss their friends.”
I know exactly how they feel.
Whether you are eight or 48, establishing relationships in a new place isn’t easy. During an ill-fated, five-month stint as an L.A. resident, I made just one friend. Thankfully, Orlando is a much more welcoming city. As one of the world’s top tourist destinations, it has plenty of friendly, genuine people — many of whom, like me, used to call New York home. Whenever I run into a former New Yorker here, there’s an instant camaraderie. A mutual appreciation for life in the Sunshine State being a nice change from the Big Apple’s hustle and bustle.
Still, it takes time to cultivate more than passing acquaintances. As that process slowly unfolds, I am missing my tribe back in NYC. And thinking about the misconceptions that happen when both your marital status and hometown change at the same time.
After I moved down to Florida in December, communication patterns with close friends began to change. At first, I chalked it up to the holiday season. And as my wise husband Steve observed, the fact that I was still visiting New York frequently, until May when I sold my apartment. I nevertheless asked two close friends about their radio silence. Both of them said they assumed I was busy settling into newlywed life and they didn’t want to intrude on that. This surprised me because nothing could be further from the truth.
As anyone who knows me will tell you, the ties that bind are and always have been a central, cherished part of my life. At a very young age, I learned from my mother that friendships deserve to be prioritized regardless of whether you’re single or partnered up. I adore my husband. But that will never change how much I love and need my friends.
To his credit, Steve often says that the value I place on friendship is one of the things he admires most about me. That’s a measure of who he is and how well he understands me. And something I never experienced until he came into my life.
My dear friend Caroline knows about the challenges of starting over in a new place. She lives in Australia now and, with her French-born husband, did a spell in Paris for a few years. During a soul-soothing video chat, I shared both my current loneliness — and optimism about the possibility of connecting outside of work with a particular colleague.
“We have a love of boy bands, soap operas and roller coasters in common,” I said.
“That’s the basis for at least a three-month relationship,” Caroline joked.
Kidding aside, it’s reassuring to catch a glimpse of new beginnings on the horizon. No doubt, my boss’s kids will experience the same when they start school. Looking forward to hearing about their play dates with new friends. And to having a few of my own.
Mar 18
From NYC to FL…At Last
After almost three years of long-distance love with my new hubby Steve, I am finally a full-time Florida resident. I’ve been asked a lot whether it is bittersweet to leave New York. Thankfully, I can honestly say the answer is no.
I truly made the most of my many decades in NYC. Raised by a Bronx-born Mom and Brooklyn native Dad, I grew up fortunate to experience the city’s vast arts and entertainment offerings. Childhood outings to Broadway musicals and shows at Radio City fueled a passion that continues to this day. After spending most of my twenties working in TV news and living in small towns like Bangor, Maine and Dover, Delaware, I returned to the Big Apple determined to take advantage of everything I missed while I was gone. Which is exactly what I did.
At a black-tie Oscars Party. With Ricky Martin at the Hispanic Federation Awards.
With Jennifer Grey at a Dirty Dancing 25th anniversary screening.
Concerts, theater, only-in-New York events — I maintained a pretty full, action-packed schedule during my thirties. Because, well, that’s the whole point of living in New York. With so much going on all of the time, FOMO was a real thing long before it became a trendy acronym. Upon turning forty, though, I started to crave a less frenetic lifestyle. Visits to New Jersey and Long Island had me longing for a suburban hometown where the views are of greenery instead of tall buildings.
That yearning prompted an ill-fated move to L.A. in 2016. So I have been ready for a different zip code for quite a while now, a fact of which I was reminded during a visit to Rise NY in Times Square.
Billed as part ride and part museum, the recently opened attraction dazzles on both fronts. Rise NY begins inside a replica of the city’s very first subway station, with a short documentary narrated by actor Jeff Goldblum. The engrossing, well-curated exhibit takes you all the way back to when New York was founded, tracing the city’s rich history through the lenses of pop culture, finance and more. From the technology that made skyscrapers possible to iconic moments in music and fashion, Rise NY covers it all.
And the grand finale doesn’t disappoint. Giving Disney’s similar Soarin’ Around The World ride at Epcot a run for its money, the epic 4-D journey suspends you thirty feet in the air, flying over NYC’s majestic skyline. Highlights include the Empire State Building, Brooklyn Bridge, July 4th fireworks and Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade balloons. It culminates in a birds’ eye view of the Times Square ball drop on New Years’ Eve.
As Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” played, I found myself a little misty-eyed realizing it is the end of an era for me. The hometown that I love so dearly — and always will — is no longer home. But that’s okay. Love turned this city girl into a beach babe.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jan 10
My Gratitude List: Wedding Edition
For the past eighteen months, in addition to a decades-long tradition of keeping a diary, I’ve been writing in a gratitude journal. During these challenging times, finding and appreciating the positive is of great comfort. What remains a constant on my list – that the stars aligned for Steve and me to have the wedding of our dreams.
After two Covid-related postponements and well over a year after our initial date, we finally tied the knot over Thanksgiving weekend. It couldn’t have been a more fitting holiday given how everything came together for us.
I’m most grateful we were able to celebrate safely with those closest to our hearts. With a smaller guest list (82 instead of 160) and everyone in attendance being fully vaccinated, nobody got sick thank God. We could not have asked for a better wedding present — though the kindness and generosity with which we’ve been showered continues to blow us away.
I’m grateful our special day happened before – literally right before, as it turned out — the current surge. Many of our family and friends flew into New York from out of state or out of the country. I can’t and don’t want to imagine what the wedding would have been without them. Speaking of those who traveled a fair distance, I am deeply grateful for cherished Europe-based girlfriends Camilla, Candy, Caroline, Eva and Leila. In addition to crossing the Atlantic, they navigated ever-changing Covid restrictions and test requirements to be with us.
Also braving the pandemic-era skies were dear friends A Martinez, Bobbi, Brad, Gaby, Inga, Lisa and Deane, Marilyn, Matt, Susannah, Taslin and Viva, along with my amazing in-laws. I don’t have the words to say how much this meant to me and Steve.
I’m grateful to our beloved Benji. Not only did this little lovebug ace his duties as pup of honor, he took good care of me like he always does.
When emotions started getting the better of me, Benj instinctively knew. For a good twenty minutes while I was getting my hair done, he did not leave my side. His sweet face and affection calmed my nerves.
I’ve often said the wedding felt like being enveloped in the biggest, most loving group hug ever. A huge part of that was the presence of my longtime hero, A. Having A walk me down the aisle and sharing a special dance together were two of the happiest moments in a day defined by an extraordinary abundance of them.
I’m deeply grateful to cousin-in-law Julie and longtime dear friend Lisa R. for making sure I stayed well hydrated at the reception. Hubs and I worked up quite a sweat on the dance floor, so plying me with water was no small thing! Love you, ladies.
I’m grateful to Enza Events for their hard work and creativity. From stunning florals and table décor to lighting, Enza and her fabulous team brought my winter wonderland vision to life.
Ditto for wedding cake designer extraordinaire Ron Ben-Israel. Our spectacular two cakes tasted as beautiful as they looked. At a time when customer service has become the exception rather than the rule, RBI Cakes and Enza Events went above and beyond. Working with them was an absolute delight.
Dessert bliss!
I will be forever grateful that, against pandemic odds, we were blessed with a magical, perfect day.
To quote Hungarian poet Janos Arany –
“In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities.”
Oct 12
The Forgotten Bride-to-be
Planning a wedding during the Covid era is a pretty fraught experience, especially when you’re a bride in her mid-forties. With my fiancé and I in the home stretch of our lengthy engagement period, I find myself thinking about something that has filled many pages in my journal – how women of a certain age are treated when they find lasting love.
It doesn’t take long to figure out we are very much the stepchild among our betrothed sisters. Bridal magazines are stacked with images of couples 35 and under, nary a mid-life duo to be found. We are also missing from nuptial etiquette and advice columns, none of which address the unique challenges of settling down later in life.
I wasn’t exactly surprised by the media’s discriminating stance — women beyond childbearing years have long been considered less worthy of attention. But I was shocked to encounter a similar attitude from several loved ones.
Admittedly, Steve and I got engaged in March of 2020, just as Covid-19 hit with devastating force. Celebrating was the last thing on anyone’s mind. We postponed our wedding because of the pandemic, then postponed it again two more times. In the interim, I read a lot of heartwarming stories about couples whose nearest and dearest got creative, hosting Zoom parties, etc. With the exception of three beloved, enormously thoughtful cousins, my family made no such effort. Over the course of 18 months, not a single congratulatory card or virtual Champagne toast. At the first large gathering in nearly two years, no mention was made of my engagement.
After admitting to two close relatives how hurt I was, they were unmoved. One relegated my feelings to the category of being a “bride with a lot of emotions.” The other said —
“I don’t know what support you wanted or expected. You certainly did not ask anyone for advice, assistance or guidance. You hired a wedding planner and you were doing things on your own. Your comments are not accurate, correct or even logical.”
This pretty much sums up the prevailing attitude toward those of us who marry later in life. We are made to feel that, since it took us longer to find happily ever after, we somehow forfeit our right to the emotional support younger brides are automatically given in spades. While they are regularly asked about the big day, we become self-conscious even bringing it up because of the deafening silence. It has reached a point where I am almost at a loss for words when someone is inquisitive, that’s how unexpected it is. Contrary to popular belief, being older and better equipped to plan a wedding does not negate the perfectly normal desire to receive encouragement from loved ones.
The painful absence of most of my kin has made me even more grateful for everyone who has stepped up to be by my side. Maid of honor and dear cousin Carla organized a lovely bridal tea party inspired by my love of all things British. Along with a surprise engagement party, Steve’s family hosted a beautiful shower that reinforced how fortunate I am to have such amazing in-laws. They have continually gone out of their way to be supportive and communicate their happiness for us. As I told Steve’s mom, I know now where he gets his huge heart and thoughtful ways from.
Another comforting example of how the ties that bind often have nothing to do with sharing DNA – the extraordinary kindness of my fellow Mount Holyoke alums.
These incredible women, many of whom I have never met, are flooding our mailbox with cards, gifts and support. Wrote one MHC sister —
“You have a community behind you, cheering you on.”
Steve and I are also blessed to have a community of dear friends, including our fabulous wedding party, with us every step of the way. We love you all dearly.
A bit of advice for those who happen to be in the orbit of a first-time bride over 40. Unless she explicitly states otherwise, assume she actually does want the same fanfare and consideration extended to most engaged women. Rather than dismissively saying you saw a picture of it on social media, ooh and ahh over her ring just once. Instead of opining that she doesn’t need to have a shower or should have a small destination affair, ask how the planning is going without any judgmental commentary.
And if she occasionally dares to bring up the wedding, try to exhibit the same enthusiasm you would want for yourself leading up to such a milestone occasion. We all deserve compassion, even those of us whose route to the altar isn’t a traditional one.
Jul 27
Saying Yes To The Dress
Even if you’ve never seen TLC’s Say Yes To The Dress, you have probably heard of Kleinfeld’s. For more than 70 years, the legendary bridal boutique has been a beloved New York institution. Having grown up in the Big Apple, I knew my wedding dress search had to begin here.
As soon as my bridesmaid Sara and I arrived, we could see why Kleinfeld’s has such a storied reputation. The Manhattan flagship’s expansive, sophisticated salon feels magical. After being escorted to the fitting rooms, I was given a silky, lavender Kleinfeld’s robe to use for the 90-minute appointment. Without even trying anything on, I felt like Cinderella.
Helping me to find my dream dress — longtime Kleinfeld’s stylist and Say Yes To The Dress cast member Lisa Fuhrman. Like a fairy godmother, Lisa asked thoughtful questions about style and fit concerns before we walked around the showroom. She was there every step of the way – helping me in and out of dresses, asking for feedback and offering her own.
After trying on six gowns, one was a definite contender. But without my late mother there to weigh in, I felt unsure. Lisa reassured me.
“There is one dress that’s meant for you,” she said with the conviction of someone who has helped many brides over the years. “Even if it’s down to two choices, it will be 51% versus 49%. You’ll know.”
Lisa advised taking some time to think, a very different and more thoughtful approach than what I experienced elsewhere.
With a friendly staff and nearly as spacious showroom, Atelier #2 seemed promising. Until I learned the only sample size they carried was a 12. Wedding gowns are typically two to three times smaller than what is stated on the label. So the actual fit was closer to a 6.
Despite the longtime average woman’s size being 14 – and recent studies revealing it’s now closer to 16 – the bridal industry has been slow to catch up. If you are on the curvy side like I am, this means having to shoehorn yourself into a garment that does not come close to fitting your body. Even with some assistance, I felt like a stuffed sausage trying to defy the laws of gravity.
As I attempted in vain to imagine how this particular gown would look without being stretched taut by clips, the salesperson did a hard sell. She said shapewear – which they did not have in my size either – and “breaking” the structure of the dress would make it work. Seriously? If a dress needs to be deconstructed in order to fit, it’s probably not the right one.
At a high-profile designer’s Madison Avenue boutique, the selection was beyond unforgiving, limited to sample size 8 (again, inaccurately labeled). Clearly, their preferred customer is pencil thin. Fair enough, but don’t pretend to accommodate the rest of us when you don’t have any corsets that aren’t three sizes too small either.
The Madison Avenue salesperson went on in mind-numbing detail about the lace of one particular gown, without a single word about how it looked on me. While listening to her and the person at Atelier #1, it was all I could do not to say, are you kidding? This is arguably the most emotional wardrobe purchase a woman will ever make. And yet, both of them suggested I buy something that did not close around my waist or back, and just cross my fingers it would look right in a different size. Crazy.
With a clearer idea of what I wanted now, I made a second appointment at Kleinfeld’s. This would be dress outing #5 and fatigue was setting in. Just before getting on the subway, I looked up and silently prayed for Mom to send some guidance. She didn’t let me down, and neither did Lisa.
Every dress that Lisa selected could have worked. Not only because she really listened to my preferences, but because Kleinfeld’s boasts a large inventory in a wide variety of sizes. It is much easier to assess how a gown looks when it fits almost perfectly with clips, instead of being too small and stretched out to render a remotely accurate visual.
In the end, Lisa was right. There was one dress that far outshined them all. As soon as I put it on, just as she had predicted, I knew. Cousin and bridesmaid Carla cried happy tears when she saw me in it, further cementing my choice.
In keeping with a Kleinfeld’s tradition, Lisa then asked–
“Are you saying yes to the dress?”
“Yes I am!!” I answered excitedly.
Everyone in the store applauded. Talk about a Cinderella moment.
Because my parents are gone and I got engaged during Covid, I have missed out on a lot of things that are usually part of this milestone. Thanks to Kleinfeld’s, the experience of finding my dress was everything I dreamed it would be. Beyond grateful to Lisa and, of course, to Mom who proved she was indeed there in spirit.
Eighteen weeks to go until the big day!
Feb 14
NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS
Like everyone else on Planet Earth, I was happy to bid a not so fond farewell to 2020. A new year brings hope and the promise of renewal, both of which are badly needed right now. I’m counting the days until this pandemic is over and we can be with loved ones freely and safely again.
As I think about what I’m looking forward to in 2021, I also think about the new chapters this year will bring for me. Personally, professionally and creatively, I’ll be taking on some long-awaited new titles.
For quite a while now, my job title hasn’t reflected the scope of what I do. As a Marketing Manager at Starwood, I went from supporting one NYC hotel to juggling three properties — with no title change. At The Pierre Hotel, I accepted a position with a downgraded rank, confident I could change that. Which is what happened two years later, when I was promoted to Associate Director of Marketing. Getting laid off because of COVID-19 made an exciting new role possible — Senior Vice President of Marketing/PR for Illusso.
Founded by my favorite Starwood boss and mentor, Illusso’s mission is to help independent luxury hotels recover and rebound from these challenging times. I’m so proud to be part of this great venture, one which also reunites me with talented dear friend and Turn Key Designing founder Lisa.
The second new title for me this year will be one that I’ve dreamt about since childhood — author. From blogging to journaling (I’m currently on volume #107) and pretty much every job I’ve ever had, writing has always been a big part of my life. I’ve spent a lot of the pandemic working on my memoir. It’s an undertaking that has given me an even deeper respect for authors. The great and prolific Jane Austen completed her entire body of work — six novels — in just seven years. It’s taken me a decade of writing on and off to close in on finishing Tales from A Former Bachelorette. Of course, it wasn’t until a few years ago that my book finally had its happy ending, when I fell madly in love with my now-fiancé Steve.
Which brings me to the third and most life-changing title I’ll take on this year — wife. After rescheduling our wedding twice because of the pandemic, Steve and I are planning to say I Do in November. We’ve been together for almost two years now and I’m still awestruck by this extraordinary man, still overwhelmed with gratitude that we found each other. At 47, I feel like I’m bringing my best, most fully realized self to our relationship. It took this long for me to be able to say that, but that’s okay. As my future husband has shown me, it’s never too late for love to come into your life and wondrously change it forever.
Happy Valentine’s Day all!
Oct 17
Musings from a Mid-life Bride-to-Be
I’ve known for a long time that I wouldn’t be a traditional bride. That fantasy died after losing both of my parents to cancer. What gave me comfort was believing I would have family and friends beside me during my wedding journey, their proximity helping to offset the immeasurable void created by Mom and Dad’s absence.
Then Covid-19 happened.
After getting engaged on our beloved ‘80s Cruise, my fiancé Steve and I came home to a changed world. A world in which tragedy and death overshadowed everything else. Mom would have been the first to say count your blessings. No matter what cards life dealt her, she never lost her ability to feel gratitude. Right after learning that the cancer had spread to her brain — a fatal diagnosis — she said with sincerity:
“God’s been very good to me.”
I am beyond grateful that I can say the same. God carried me through a life-threatening depression in 2016, gave me my beloved pup Benji and led me to my forever soulmate.
In this terrible time of unimaginable loss, I and my loved ones have stayed healthy and safe. More than anything, this precious gift should be enough to stave off any feelings of hurt or disappointment. As the saying goes, though, the heart wants what it wants. And I wanted more for this milestone in my life. A lot more. It took 46 years to find the man of my dreams. With both Mom and Dad gone, I naively thought every other part of this rite of passage would unfold as I imagined. Including the big reveal at work.
Over the years, I’ve witnessed dozens of colleagues announce their engagements. At one boutique firm populated heavily with twentysomething women, I was surrounded by six brides-to-be simultaneously. More recently, I sat a few feet away from two chatty millennials who got engaged around the same time and also happen to be best friends. For two years, it was all wedding talk with them. All. The. Time. Being literally the only single person in our small office didn’t help.
Then, Steve and I fell in love. Suddenly, every previous heartbreak made sense. Like it was all a preamble to sharing my life with this extraordinary man. As I have said many times, Steve is worth everything I went through to find him. Anticipating we would get engaged on the cruise, I went on vacation looking forward to sharing it with co-workers and loved ones when we got back.
The pandemic had other plans. After being furloughed for two months, I was laid off in June. Instead of a gushing, celebratory moment at work, I returned to a shuttered, empty office alone to pack up my belongings and turn in my keys. The stillness unnerved me, amplifying the surrealness of it all.
I was nearly as taken aback by my wedding planner’s response when I shared my age with her.
“I have so many brides that get engaged in their mid 40’s, so this is the norm.”
The wedding industry has been slow to respond to this new normal. Even though more women are marrying later in life, most pre-nuptial marketing and merchandising – ‘engaged AF’ t-shirts, etc. — remains geared toward millennials like those BFF colleagues of mine. According to The Knot’s 2020 newlywed survey of 25,000 couples, the average age of newly married couples is 32. Still, The Knot magazine’s Real Weddings section highlights only couples in their twenties. Meanwhile, almost every bridal gown ad features fresh faced, pencil thin supermodel types. The message is clear — if you’re a bride in her forties, you’re pretty much an afterthought.
I can’t help appreciating the irony. Brides over the age of 40 have gone through more trials and tribulations to arrive at happily ever after. We have earned the fanfare that usually accompanies getting engaged. And yet, because of ageism in our culture, we’re made to feel that we should be more subdued about this hard-won milestone. One relative of mine pooh poohed the idea of a bridal shower, stating that at my age I already have everything I need. A close friend expressed zero interest in hearing about the proposal when we got together for the first time in months. And long before I got engaged (and before Covid), two retired family members asked that the wedding not interfere with their late 2020 vacations.
Amidst all of this, life and wedding planning go on. Two pandemic-necessitated postponements notwithstanding, Steve and I have managed to check off most of the important to-dos without much stress. Church, reception venue, band, cake designer and florist are all booked. The current task at hand – finding my dress. It felt magical to begin this quest at NYC’s legendary Kleinfeld’s and I shared that on Facebook.
“You are living a fairy tale!” commented one friend.
There’s no such thing as fairy tales, not in these pandemic times. Looking for a dress without my mother is bittersweet. While I have cried tears of joy from finding true love, there are just as many moments when I’m overwhelmed with sadness because my parents aren’t here.
Of course, my Facebook post about going to Kleinfeld’s didn’t articulate any of this. A single-day snapshot rarely gives you the full picture of someone’s emotional life. Assuming otherwise is one of the greatest misconceptions – and dangers – of social media. Which reminds me of one of my favorite sayings:
“Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
We’re all going through a lot. A little kindness — and remembering to share the good times as well as the bad — will make all the difference in helping us get to the other side.
Aug 10
An Emotional Homecoming
Re-entry shock. The first time I experienced this was back in ’94, after returning from my junior year abroad in London. It’s the reverse culture shock that happens when you come home after being away for a while. And it hit me just as hard when I came back to New York a little over a month ago.
The sense of isolation unnerved me. During three months in Florida quarantining with my fiancé Steve, I was fortunate to only feel cooped up intermittently, buoyed by our being together. But that all changed as soon as I got home.
Arriving just as the city was starting its multi-phased reopening, I felt like NYC had turned into a war zone. Even living through 9/11 and Hurricane Sandy didn’t prepare me for the overwhelming sadness and silence that had fallen upon my hometown. Longtime neighborhood businesses shuttered, many for good. A corner bodega selling a batch of Nestle’s Quik that expired back in April. Friends I hadn’t seen in months preoccupied and wanting to talk only about the virus or quarantine life. And clearly visible behind the masks worn by everyone, a dispirited demeanor far surpassing the usual crankiness for which New Yorkers are known.
Thankfully, as things started opening up, what has not changed came into view – people zooming past and huffing audibly if you’re not walking at full speed; random strangers talking to themselves out loud; the grit and resilience of this amazing city.
A thread of seasonal normalcy emerged with expanded outdoor dining, as restaurants now work twice as hard for half the revenue. In addition to safety precautions like plexiglass dividers, Upper East Side stalwart Beach Café has added a bar by its French doors, frozen drinks and whimsical touches like an ocean blue lifeguard chair. Ko Sushi, an indoor venue only pre-COVID, invested in Astro Turf, food-themed umbrellas and fairy lights to dress up its new seating area.
NYC has gone from being the epicenter of this deadly virus to, thank God, having one of the lowest infection rates. One of the world’s most densely populated places, designed for the very opposite of social distancing, managed to completely shut down. It’s no secret how this was accomplished — by people staying home and wearing masks. New Yorkers did this without complaining about their lives being upended and suddenly having to go without most of what makes our beloved city so great. Which makes the whining of those in smaller cities not only ignorant but absurd. If New York can empty out Times Square (!) and Grand Central Terminal, these other places need to quit carping and follow our lead.
As for the ongoing drama over masks, CNN put it best in a recent piece stating most of the world has moved on. Many countries implemented face covering requirements long ago. One statistical model predicts that if 95% of Americans wear face coverings, more than 66,000 lives could be saved by December 1st. This is not about politics. It’s about public health and doing what’s right. Besides, there’s no excuse not to wear a mask now given the dizzying variety of colorful, fun ones to choose from. A doorman in my building proudly sports an NY skyline-themed covering every day. One girlfriend has a mini-wardrobe of fashionable face coverings coordinated to match her running gear. I’m currently rotating between pink, black and this teal little number sent to me by my BFF.
Just like I did in Florida at the start of the quarantine, I spent my first few weeks back home in cleaning mode – clearing out closets, going through old photos and doing a much-needed purge of stuff I no longer need or use. From my physical space, I moved onto digital housekeeping, cleaning up my music library, deleting old emails and switching cell phone providers for the first time (saving over $100/month, woo hoo).
When it comes to entertainment, I am in a loop of re-watching old favorites. Currently in rotation – ABC’s Castle, the first season of Who’s The Boss and ‘80s-era YouTube clips of NBC soaps Days of Our Lives and Santa Barbara. In this era of such uncertainty, it’s reassuring to know these beloved shows and characters can always be counted on for a pick me up.
For comfort, I continue to enjoy USA Today’s Staying Apart, Together e-newsletter, and count my blessings daily in Brenda Nathan’s One-Minute Gratitude Journal. Among recent items on the list: watching my pup Benji playfully tussle with other dogs in the neighborhood, delicious delivery from David’s Cuban restaurant and having the time to finally finish my memoir.
Time. A precious commodity that has taken on a strange dimension during the pandemic. Individual days seem to go quickly and yet everything feels static because we’re still in a holding pattern. Not knowing when things will get better is hard. But they will get better. As the late, great civil rights leader John Lewis said in his powerful, poignant final essay —
“People on every continent have stood in your shoes, through decades and centuries before you. The truth does not change, and that is why the answers worked out long ago can help you find solutions to the challenges of our time.”
Sending love and light to you all.
